Why is everyone talking about Ham Yard Hotel then?
It's the newest addition to the smart boutique group that also boasts The Soho and Charlotte Street Hotels. Ham Yard is set around a tree-lined courtyard with al fresco tables where you can drink cocktails even in winter – thank you, outdoor heaters and cashmere blankets.
Never mind that – what’s the hotel actually like?
Like a country house on acid – in a good way: armchairs with crazy Aztec fabrics, light-up porcelain jars by Martha Freud and a fabulous conservatory with fuchsia sofas to sip your Earl Grey on. Plus, the library has an honesty bar filled with Hope and Greenwood sweeties.
Sorry to sound like a grandma, but did you eat anything besides sweets?
Yes, the food is perfect for ladies who lunch – think poached cod with parsley risotto. And, OK, maybe we also had the signature cherry pie with Cornish clotted cream. And the strawberry Arctic roll. But it was worth it.
After all those puddings, I’d need to lie down…
You’ve come to the right place. Our room was like Downton Abbey if Erdem had been let loose in it – lots of floral fabrics in neon shades. The bed felt like falling into a giant marshmallow and there’s a mini screen at the foot of the bath. We watched Parking Wars, but other reality shows are available.
What if I’m not tired?
There’s an original Fifties bowling alley, a cinema and a beautiful spa with the requisite plinky-plonky music. Ask nicely and you can escape to the fourth-floor terrace, a fantasy enclave filled with lavender and olive trees.
Anything else I need to know? Although, to be fair, you had me at honest bar…
Yes. Incredibly good-looking male staff who wear gorgeous suits. And also bespoke Ham Yard pencils in the lobby. We pinched three.
Rooms from £265 per night. For more information, call 020 3642 2000 or visit firmdalehotels.com
If you like the sound of this you’ll also love…
The neon chandeliers in the Roth Bar & Grill at Hausser & Wirth, Somerset.
The Tom Dixon-designed Agua Bathhouse and Spa at the new Mondrian London, SE1.
The amazing views from the heated roof terrace at Robinson & Cleaver, Belfast.