Have you been following the huge cock-up that was Fyre Festival? I have been obsessed. ICYMI: the festival, co-founded by Ja Rule, promised to be a luxury extravaganza. The advertising gumpf said the festival was to be “the cultural experience of the decade”, and the whole thing was announced by the likes of Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid and Hayley Baldwin, who were flown over to the Bahamas and flaunted in all their bikini-clad perfection on Instagram.
Tickets were £9,271 and guests were promised private jets from Miami to the private Bahamian island, where tents costs £1,200 and two-bed villas were going for £160.688. The headliners were supposed to be Blink-182, Migos, Major Lazer, Disclosure and food was going to be prepared by celebrity chefs. A 100% luxe experience.
Well, as you probably know, it was an unmitigated disaster. The headliners cancelled, guests were greeted by airplane-style grey food, feral dogs, heaps of rubbish, flimsy tents, wet bedding and total chaos. It was recorded in excruciated detail on social media and the organisers have since been hit with multiple lawsuits. All in all, a total shit-show.
Weirdly, it’s kind of whet my appetite for a luxe festival. As much as I love the idea of sitting in a muddy field drinking warm cider with my best mates (because there is nothing like it), I also want to be choppered to my luxe accommodation by helicopter and served gourmet food while mingling backstage with the likes of A$AP Rocky and The Weeknd (because wherever those guys, go Kendall and Selena will follow, right?).
If you're feeling anything like me, here are six ultra-luxe festivals you can unleash your inner VIP at this summer.
1. Anchored, Mediterranean
All aboard the Anchored by Unique Cruise for, in their words, ‘seven nights of top deck luxury and the world’s biggest music acts.’ Join the beautiful people for nightly champagne parties with headliners like Tinie Tempah, DJ Charlesy and Artful Dodger. Cruising from Rome to Santorini to Mykonos to Monte Carlo and finishing up in Cannes, revellers can enjoy 24-hour room service, pick from one of the 100+ spa treatments and go for a jog around the on-board running track - when the partying gets too much.
How much: Prices start at £699 per night for an 'Interior Stateroom' and up to £12,499 for a two-bedroom suite.
When: 11-18th June 2017
2. Summer Fest Cruise, Bahamas
SFC, to those in the know, is a three-night music cruise around the Bahamas with acts including A$AP Rocky, Lil Wayne, Future, Migos and a pool party hosted by Amber Rose. It’s the brainchild of mega-producer DJ Khaled and the festival-at-sea promises guests the chance of “partying and mingling up close and personal with the entertainers” as well as Caribbean food, breakfast in bed, a 24-hour pizzeria, a casino, mall, spa and themed parties.
How much: Cabins cost between £557 and £989 per person.
When: 30th June - 3rd July
3. Secret Solstice, Iceland
Secret Solstice is known in electronic music circles at the most exclusive and unique party experience in the world. Set in Iceland, there are some incredible extra festival experiences to get involved with - if you’ve got the dollar. Ministry of Sound’s Into The Glacier Party is thrown inside an actual 10,000 year-old ice cave, then there’s the Lava Tunnel, where you can watch an intimate acoustic performance inside a 5000-year-old cave and then there’s a good old fashioned midnight boat party. That’s all on top of the festival, which includes headliners like The Prodigy, Foo Fighters and Chaka Khan. If that’s not enough, you can treat yourself to a super-VIP pass (only 50 are available) which will give you unlimited food and drinks, plus access to the artists bar and private viewing areas.
How much: The super-VIP pass costs £1752
When: 15-18th June
4. We Are Fstvl, London
The Xclsv package at this London festival is mega. Think: backstage access, a personal concierge, helicopter transport, private viewing areas and artist meet and greets. Leave the Hunters at home (check out our festival fashion guide for outfit inspiration), this one’s just for Champagne poppin’. Performers include Wiley, Craig David, Wilkinson, Duke Dumont and Basement Jaxx.
How much: £425 for xclsv tickets
When: 26-28th May
5. Oasis Fest, Morocco
Set at The Source boutique hotel at the foot of the Atlas Mountains in Morocco, Oasis Fest is about as far away from a heave-worthy portaloo as you can get. When you’re not listening to one of the live acts, you can sip on Laurent Perrier rosé in the champagne bar or detox with a cold pressed juice from Boju. Take part in daily yoga sessions or just chill by the Instabait pool.
How much: The most luxe package is £566 per person and includes a deluxe room at Cesar Resort & Spa 5*
When: 15-18th September
6. Hox Holidays, Croatia
If planning a festival holiday stresses you out, then this is the one for you. You start the trip by checking into either The Hoxton hotel in London or Amsterdamn for 24 hours. As part of your stay in London you'll get a personalised trip around the 34 food stalls at KERB Camden Market, a Pimm's picnic on Primrose Hill, dinner at Duck & Waffle before some a game of crazy golf After breakfast in bed the following morning a car will whizz you to airport where you'll be whisked off to Obonjan Island to check into Camp Hox. With tents decked out with double beds, air con and USB sockets it takes glamping to the next level. There's also a host of events to take part in, think sunset yoga, sound healing, floristry workshops and live music curated by Gilles Peterson and Phonica Records.
How much: The Hoxton Holidays London-Obonjan package costs £599 including one night at The Hoxton, Holborn, 3 nights in a Camp Hox tent at Obonjan, welcome goody bag, a full itinerary and extensive food and drink. Flights are not included.
When: 7th-11th August