20 Things To Expect From A Basic Bloke On Valentine's Day

20 Things To Expect From A Basic Bloke On Valentine's Day

From diamante heart pendants to truffles in a pink heart-shaped box, here's 20 things to expect from a basic bloke on V-Day...


1. A bunch of Daffs picked up at the Tesco Metro on the way back from five a side with Jezza and the humorously nicknamed 'Jimster'

2. A card saying 'You'll do!'  with a 'Roses are red poem,' he's googled on the Internet

3. A diamante heart pendant – when he hands over the square velvet effect box containing it he will also say 'steady!'

4. A tweet saying, 'box set marathon with THIS one' showing a picture of both of you with comedy socks on a footrest

5. An 'ace' gastro pub lunch sharing a bottle of cava (second cheapest on menu)

6. Treacle toffee pudding for afters with two spoons. Well, as he says,  'diet starts tomorrow'



7. A teddy bear wearing an overly clingy t-shirt saying, 'Be Mine'

8. A helium balloon which will be placed on the kitchen table next to a half bottle of champagne

9. Some truffles in a pink heart-shaped box




10. A chocolate body paint kit from the John Lewis gifts section to 'spice things up'

11. A satin baby doll from a respectable high street brand, 'Hey, let's keep things classy!'

12. He'll light some vanilla scented candles from the Waitrose homeware department




13. He'll rustle you up a 'couple of yummy steaks' with peppercorn sauce from a packet

14. He will definitely choose to propose on Valentine's Day – and there will be a country house and tea lights involved




15. A digital frame featuring snaps from your holiday in the Caribbean – his fave features you sipping from a coconut

16. He will wear a pointed brogue if you go out for dinner and encourage you to wear your suede knee length boots  -  cos 'blimey, they're 'hot'

17. He will also wear a blazer but team it with a chambray shirt 'hey its Sunday  - time to chill my boots' 




18. It will be a surprise where you're going except it won't – because we all know it will be Hawksmoor 'caramel salted rolos – delish!'

19. He'll take a table selfie and post it on Facebook saying, 'V-Day with the missus'

20. If he's a single and wistful basic bloke he will text a variety of exes saying, 'hey stranger! How goes it? ' but he'll wait till the 15th of feb – he's subtle like that

How Basic Are You? 

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