1. A bunch of Daffs picked up at the Tesco Metro on the way back from five a side with Jezza and the humorously nicknamed 'Jimster'
2. A card saying 'You'll do!' with a 'Roses are red poem,' he's googled on the Internet
3. A diamante heart pendant – when he hands over the square velvet effect box containing it he will also say 'steady!'
4. A tweet saying, 'box set marathon with THIS one' showing a picture of both of you with comedy socks on a footrest
5. An 'ace' gastro pub lunch sharing a bottle of cava (second cheapest on menu)
6. Treacle toffee pudding for afters with two spoons. Well, as he says, 'diet starts tomorrow'
7. A teddy bear wearing an overly clingy t-shirt saying, 'Be Mine'
8. A helium balloon which will be placed on the kitchen table next to a half bottle of champagne
9. Some truffles in a pink heart-shaped box
10. A chocolate body paint kit from the John Lewis gifts section to 'spice things up'
11. A satin baby doll from a respectable high street brand, 'Hey, let's keep things classy!'
12. He'll light some vanilla scented candles from the Waitrose homeware department
13. He'll rustle you up a 'couple of yummy steaks' with peppercorn sauce from a packet
14. He will definitely choose to propose on Valentine's Day – and there will be a country house and tea lights involved
15. A digital frame featuring snaps from your holiday in the Caribbean – his fave features you sipping from a coconut
16. He will wear a pointed brogue if you go out for dinner and encourage you to wear your suede knee length boots - cos 'blimey, they're 'hot'
17. He will also wear a blazer but team it with a chambray shirt 'hey its Sunday - time to chill my boots'
18. It will be a surprise where you're going except it won't – because we all know it will be Hawksmoor 'caramel salted rolos – delish!'
19. He'll take a table selfie and post it on Facebook saying, 'V-Day with the missus'
20. If he's a single and wistful basic bloke he will text a variety of exes saying, 'hey stranger! How goes it? ' but he'll wait till the 15th of feb – he's subtle like that