Joy. Another spanner in the dating works.
Okay. Does this in any way sound familiar?
(Text) Me: ‘Okay well, it’s been nice. Take care.’
(Text) Him: ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You take care too.’
A few minutes of hurt bewilderment, before coming to your senses.
And that’s it.
Once again two months of your life have become another erased WhatsApp exchange. Suddenly it’s over. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
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Funny thing is though, a few days ago everything was absolutely fine. More than fine. Holidays were booked. Weekends away were planned. You’d discussed being exclusive. As much as we ladies hate to slip out of that singleton suit of armour, once the ‘I’m not interested in anyone else’ conflab happens, there is this overwhelmingly calm sense that things are actually moving in a mutually beneficial direction.
You start telling your friends that you really like him. You share SO many common interests. He has a picture of you saved in his phone. Shit, he’s even left a toothbrush at your gaff.
Act 2: Two (maybe three) months in, and you honestly believe things are great. Until the night he decides that he’s ‘not into it’ anymore.
I’m sorry, what?
‘I’m just not into it anymore…’
And just like that, a switch has been flipped. Dunzo. See you next Tuesday. Wtf?!
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Ladies, behold the 180 switch. Or, the dating 180. The new and improved shitty thing to pick up where ‘ghosting’ left off. It’s that phenomenon that happens when the rug has been well and truly pulled out from underneath you, right at the point where you thought things were being taken to the next level.
It’s baffling. It’s hurtful and well, it’s becoming more and more common.
Only the other day I was talking with a friend of mine who'd been dumped after two months of everything going splendidly with the new fella. He dropped the ‘wasn’t feeling it’ clanger days before they were due to go on a romantic holiday to Greece – a holiday she’d been initially nervous about committing to because she’d stressed her concerns about things moving a bit too fast.
Another friend, after a beautiful courtship, invited the guy in question as her plus one to a friend’s wedding, only to have him jilt her with the ‘I’m not that into it’ shtick hours before the nuptials. Oh and FYI, he did try and hook back up with her afterwards, claiming a slew of ‘awful dates, which made me realize how amazing you actually are babe.’ Yes really.
Hmm. So, is this the way of things now? Is there some secret self-destruct button that we didn’t get the memo about and well, if we accidently hit it then it's game over for that blossoming relationship? Is it because of the amount of choice men find themselves with (swipe right, swipe left), or that commitment has become something to procrastinate about rather than act upon? Is love just a nice idea, with a flattering Instagram filter?
Either way, it's just another thing to feel fearful about when trying your luck out there. Has this happened to you? Let's be confused together...