This isn’t a basic ‘boys are gross’ type rant — it’s excellent, don’t get me wrong. On balance, living with solely boys is the best living scenario… No pass-agg texts, no drama, no clothes mysteriously disappearing, no shampoo-being-nearly-empty-though-you haven’t-used-it mares — the list could go on…

BUT there are some little teeny weeny narks about having just home hombres (and I mean ‘normal’ guys, not uber-lads):

  1. You’ll discover what Sriracha is (if, understandably, you didn’t know about the hot sauce already) because it’s all over everything… The fridge, the sofa cushions, the IRONING BOARD (true story).
  2. They can’t put clothes out to dry. Even things you didn’t know could crumple are in an extraordinarily small ball of almost unsalvageable fabric.
  3. There’s never any toilet roll.
  4. Even the most ‘normal’ of males seem to think the weirdest things are a good idea — bean bags, Buddha head statues, neon light-up signs and basically everything that will make it look like a batchelor pad.
  5. There will be socks everywhere all the time (but none in pairs).
  6. You discover even some quite un-protein people do drink protein shakes! And for some reason they come in the biggest ever tubs that makes even the muscliest of ladz look like a Borrower.
  7. They think shoe piles are ok — your Gucci loafers, your malleable Adidas Gazelles, your structured ankle boots are all in a sorry heap when they ‘tidy’ up.
  8. Coats — yep, them too.
  9. There will be beard hair everywhere always, and it’s a real biatch to clear up.
  10. You’ll become the ‘sensible’ one (read: door man) at a house party.
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  12. You’ll become a mother figure, even if you’re not a naturally maternal girl — it’s inevitable.