Southern Rail

I admit it, I hate Southern Rail

Hate Southern Rail? You’re not alone. The train service gets a pretty bad rep thanks to constant delays, ‘staff sickness’ and shocking customer service, with Twitter trolling the railway service on the regular (…guilty).

While * DISCLAIMER * we’re sure that there are some excellent staff keeping commuters moving every single day of the week (and some valid reasons for the Southern strikes) but it doesn’t change the fact that the 7.29am service from Brighton to London Victoria didn’t arrive on time once in the whole of 2014, and that 1 in 5 trains were delayed.

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So from last-minute cancellations to having to jump over barriers at Brighton, here are 22 things you’ll definitely feel if you have to travel with Southern Railway…

1. You will never be on time. It might be five minutes, it might be five hours, but always allow extra time when hopping on those green trains.

2. Keep an eagle eye out for platform alterations seconds before the train’s scheduled departure time (this is especially excellent when getting the Gatwick Express).

3. That’s if you can find a square centimeter to even get on the heaving trains.

4. Or if your train isn’t cancelled altogether, of course.

5. Hands up whose train has been delayed because they’re waiting for the driver – whose train to work is delayed? 

6. Ever tried getting on a Southern train when there’s a match at Brighton’s Amex stadium? Good luck…

7. It’s always a joy when trains are cancelled because of the sun.

8. Or rain.

9. Or just a slight breeze…

Southern Discomfort

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10. Being trapped between stations on a sweltering train becomes normal in the summer.

11. Southern aren’t the most efficient at fixing broken ticket machines - it’s been two years and counting for the machine at Moulsecoombe.

12. The pure pain of looking into First Class as you’re pressed against someone’s armpit in the standard carriage is unbearable.

13. Isn’t it fun when the train terminates at East Croydon with no notice?

14. The dread of hearing the conductor announce ‘this train will no longer call at…’, and proceeding to list every station before the final destination.

15. London Bridge – say no more.

Southern Suck

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16. You wouldn’t wish Brighton station in the summer on your worst enemy.

17. ‘Overcrowding’ is solved by not letting anyone who arrives into the station get off their train to leave the station (obviously).  

18. When instead of running trains on time, Southern change the timetable to suit the delayed times instead.

19. It’s only natural to get a bit feisty with Southern on Twitter, until they threaten to block you for ‘not being nice’.  

20. Never forget that they won an award for customer service.

21. The classic ‘Sorry for the delay, but we cannot give you a reason as to why this is delayed’ line. 

22. You could always get a refund… minus a £10 admin fee.

Southern, you seriously need to up your game. Shout out to the staff members keeping their cool against a crowd of angry commuters.

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