Many proud feminists wonder how to go about the process of planning a wedding, while maintaining their integrity. Can they still go the traditional route? Maybe! We the authors of How to Win at Feminism have some tips for you about which wedding traditions are kosher for feminists.
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Getting Proposed To
Sorry, but it’s probably better if you propose to him. If he proposes to you, try to subvert his dominance by ghosting the proposal. You don’t want to leave him hanging too long, just show up on his doorstep the next day with a man’s ring. If he’s worth marrying, he’ll understand your need to enter marriage on your own terms. Also, instead of a diamond engagement ring, opt for a gem-less pentagram design.
The Bridal Shower
There’s something infantilising about getting a bunch of gal pals together to see you open sexy lingerie and homegoods. But don’t ditch the traditional altogether! Make your shower co-ed, with male attendance mandatory (you can work out something to fit their schedules).
Giving Away The Bride
You’re your own woman aren’t you? Not some property to be passed from father to husband! But you do want to give a nod to your dad on the big day, so instead of having your dad hand you off to your husband, when you get to the end of the aisle, present your dad to your husband like, ‘hey this is my dad,’ and have them each wave at each other and go about your business.
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A veil tends to symbolise modesty and purity. You don’t need that! But it is pretty cute and one of the only chances you’ll have in life to pull off this look. So, instead of having your husband lift the veil, do it yourself and then wave it around to Madonna’s Like a Virgin for a few minutes so that people understand you are your own bad self.
A White Dress
Again with the purity thing! Again, this is another look you don’t get many chances to rock so just go with it and maybe spill something on yourself in an act of rebellion later (just make sure to soak it and find a good drycleaner).
Tossing The Garter
This one’s fine, actually. Fun!
Tossing The Bouquet
This one isn’t anti-feminist but it does potentially ruin some really pretty flowers, not to mention some random guest may try to walk away with your bouquet, so just pretend like you forgot to do this part of the reception. Everyone should be pretty drunk at this point anyways.
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Something Old, Something New
What are you, a secretary? Who has time to figure this useless nonsense out. Forget it.
Taking his Surname
No no no! You are your own person! Unless he has a really great, classic last name of course. Then why not make the upgrade?
There you have it - you can have some of the wedding traditions and still be feminist. Just get creative!
How to Win at Feminism by Reductress is out now, £12