Basic Bloke On Holiday

Basic Bloke On Holiday

33 things you can expect from the basic bloke on holiday…

1. A hotel in Paphos 6th down on Trip Advisor ( he chooses his vacays like his wines)  

2. At least four pairs of Gap knee length beige cargo shorts

3. A bottle of P20 sunscreen which lasts all day ( but he might forget his ankles and eyelids – basic blokes are too British to ever get a perfect tan  )

4. Airport wear involving some sort of beige combat jacket ( think Ant and Dec's leisure wear on I'm a Celeb) which has at least two redundant pockets  

5. A pair of Asics worn on the flight

6. A flamingo inflatable for lols in the pool (his girlfriend saw it on Taylor's insta feed)

7. Holiday reading -  he's finally catching up with this whole Game of Thrones thing – so has brought a copy of A Song of Ice and Fire Along with a business self help tome like The 4-Hour Week

8. A pair of Oakley mirrored wraparound shades still leftover form his skiing holiday in 2006. He balked in Sunglasses Hut at the price of Ray Bans 'they're taking the absolute piss'

9. A holiday playlist –featuring a bit of Coldplay, the Very Best of ELO, Mumford and Sons and Oasis. And that Lukas Graham song about being seven years old makes him well up a bit

10. A hire car - Twingo in red natch

11. Constant use of the word cheeky usually in reference to alcohol

12. One fraught encounter – with the hire car woman about the air con

13. Several Twitter updates alluding to his 'white bits'

14. A cop of the Lonely Planet guide – with post it note inserts

15. Flop flops or sandals from Reef – the toe wedge will be thick, the base will be brown

16. An enthusiasm for the local lager which he orders by asking for 'Birra please my friend'

17. One smart powder blue linen shirt (worn with shorts and brogues)

18. A Richard Hammond style 'ethnic' leather neck strap dug out from his gap year in Peru

19. A pair of travel trousers – lightweight, slightly too long and poorly cut at the crotch with a drawstring  

20. Several shirts with a short 'coach driver' sleeve  

21. A Gant baseball cap worn on the beach at all times

22. At least one shirt with ready rolled up sleeves

23. After-sun from Boots which 'accidentally' has a hint of fake tan

24. Some harmless flirtatious banter with female cabin crew and local bar stuff  – asking for 'sex on the beach' with a wink

25. He's a big fan of  a mojito saying after each one, ' Well, these are very moreish'

26. One domestic row all holiday – this will inevitably be about directions

27. Facebook updates featuring him in snorkelling gear (with thumbs aloft)

28. A Facebook picture of his other half in a House Of Fraser bikini with the caption, ' Lucky guy..'

29. Daily two hour naps as basic blokes can't really handle the heat

30. Gifts for the guys back home- some very strong local liqueur for the lads and a 'Left my heart in Paphos' apron for his mum

31. An oversized towel featuring a palm tree and the words, ' Keep Calm and Go to the Beach'

32. A lot of insect repellent. "I have VERY tasty blood' he is fond of saying

33. A holiday friendship made with at least one couple called Rob and Jo who live in Kent

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