1) You would not have a glass of wine until February
But then Sunday night came along and you were full of back-to-work blues and you convinced yourself it MIGHT be OK to have one TEENY WEENY glass of red. And then another one. And one more for luck. 'Look!' you reasoned to yourself, 'all is not lost! I'll just put a ban on drinking mid-week... Except for my friend's birthday on Wednesday. And then there's that dinner thing on Thursday. Then it's the weekend, so...." No drinking Monday and Tuesday then. Kind of like the rest of the year.
2) You would go to the gym every morning
But then your alarm went at 6am, there was rain slamming against the window and it wasn't even light yet. Surely, you reasoned, it's against nature to get up this early when it's THIS dark. Your body and nature demand that you stay in bed. 'I'll get up and go tomorrow', you lied to yourself.
3) You would organise your wardrobe
Like that chic friend of yours who stores all her cashmere in little ziplock bags to guard from moths and has a shoe shelf. Yet somehow in your bedroom there's still that pile of 'between washes' stuff spilling over your chair and your chest of drawers is a stuffed jumble of bobbly sweaters and lonely single socks you'll eventually end up matching with other lonely socks that sort of look the same.
4) You would cut back on the sweet stuff
But then there were all those little piles of choccies left over from Christmas lying wantonly around the house, wrappers twinkling. 'Surely just one little choccie doesn't count does it? And I'm basically tidying up the house!' you said to yourself brightly before you ate eleven.
5) You would walk to work every day
But then the bus pulled up literally right when you were walking by the stop. Like you'd actually summoned it. If it hadn't done that you swear you would have walked all the way in. Of course you would have.
6) You would call your parents more often
Well, you will do. Just as soon as you've finished listening to those back-to-back episodes of Serial on the bus home. You're on the last few episodes and you really really want to find out if they solve the case. Sorry Mum.
7) You would take a full hour for lunch
To give your eyes a rest from all that screen time and get some fresh air. But your lunch today was a quick five-minute salad wolfed at your desk between back-to-back meetings and a snowdrift of emails.
8) You would see the bottom of your laundry basket on a regular basis
Still not much movement on that Christmas back-log of laundry is there? Maybe it's time to pin a topless picture of Ryan Gosling to the bottom of the basket as an incentive. That'll get things moving.
By Lucy Pavia / @lucypavia