1) People saying 'ooh look out for the Bridezilla' 

In the months leading up to your wedding family and friends might occasionally treat you like you're one of those unexploded WW2 bombs people find in their back gardens. If you take issue with anything - even something tiny - they'll slip into the old 'oh look here comes the Bridezilla' routine. Because if there's a wedding on the way you're never just righteously pissed off about something - you're 'being a bridezilla.' 

2) The 'and how much weight are you planning to lose' wedding dress shop people

I honestly didn't think these people existed until I went on an appointment and someone actually asked me that. Shedding a few pounds and toning up a bit before you get married is no bad thing if it makes you feel good, just don't go OTT and end up looking like a lollipop. Also being hungry all the time makes you grumpy, which really won't help your case with point number one. 

3) Bloody wedding invites 

If I was a rich lady this is the first thing I would outsource. Invites are always way more of a time and money drain than you'd think: there's the eye-poppingly expensive printing costs, the tedious chasing up of addresses on Facebook (because who has an address book these days) and regretting those personal touches you thought would look nice as you tie your 87th ribbon around a piece of cream card at 2am. Total ball-ache. 

4) Order of service proofing tedium 

You can read the whole thing through 67 000 times and there will still be a stray comma / wrongly credited hymn in there somewhere. Let it go. 

4) RSVP slackers 

I must begin by admitting I forgot to RSVP in time for a wedding once and the groom had to chase me up. Obviously for my own wedding I forgot all about that and was outraged about people we had to chase up. I mean-how-dare-they-don't-they-know-I-have-enough-to-do etc. My fiance messaged one guest five times before giving up and asking someone else. "I just don't think he wants to come" he said eventually. 

5) The "do whatever you think" grooms

This can easily translate into "I'm making this all your responsibility." 

6) The great wedding mark-up

"Is it for a wedding?" the cake shop people will ask. If you answer "yes" then they'll triple the price for no reason I can work out (magic 'wedding flour' perhaps?) The correct answer should always be: "Oh no it's for a wedding themed birthday party." Another option is buying a pile of posh brownies or three Konditor and Cook cakes and sticking them on a stand. Voila. Or prevailing on a lovely GBBO-loving relative (as I did) to make one for your wedding present. 

7) The whole 'you need more make-up for the photos' thing 

I really don't buy this. If you don't wear much make-up as a rule then why break that rule on your wedding day. I had a great make-up artist called Arabella Hewitt who completely got what I wanted and did a really nice, light coverage. But so often "natural" can be interpreted as 'light on the eyes, then so much foundation on the surface of your face it's literally in danger of cracking like a pavement in the heat.'

8) Bridesmaid dresses

Choosing a dress that five grown women of different shapes / colouring will all agree on? Good luck with that one. 

9) Unwanted creative direction

Obviously some advice is extremely helpful (I, for example, know nothing about flowers so my flower lady was great at helping to interpret my ultra vague 'white, cream and green' brief) but you'll also get quite a bit of 'oh I think you actually want this.' Whether it's a wedding dress you just don't feel comfortable in - even if it's flattering - or a decoration idea you secretly think is a bit naff, don't succumb to creative bulldozing. 

Continued below...

Alternative wedding shoes for the fashion-forward bride