Etiquette: one word that has the potential to instil fear into even the most chilled of wedding guests, and send a few super-brides screaming back down the aisle too.
What can we say? It’s a minefield out there. From super-complicated themes (Game of Thrones has a lot to answer for) to logistically challenging venues (don’t you just love those remote castles in the middle of nowhere?) - wedding season can be a struggle and we totally get it. Sometimes you find yourself causing offence without even realising what you did - or how you can fix it.
None of us want to be *that* wedding guest, but there’s a lot to think about. Which is why we’re here to help. Consider us your fairy godmother. These are our top wedding dos and don’ts…
Don’t Wear White
Everyone remember when Lindsay Lohan rocked up to a friend’s Tuscan wedding wearing a floor-length, ivory gown and bejeweled crown? Yes, we all do - that’s because wearing white is still a big fat no-no. DON’T do a Lindsay, guys. We don’t care what that latest survey says and at the risk of sounding dismissive, no one's buying that your maxi is more ‘cream’ than white. Block white dressing is still a faux pas unless you’re Beyonce – or maybe Joan Collins.
Be On Time
The only person who’s allowed to be fashionably late is the bride – or an objector - okay?
Don’t Complain You Weren’t Given a +1
You’re not queuing to get into the Chiltern Firehouse so please don’t complain. If your partner/BFF/flat-mate/pet goldfish wasn’t invited there’s a good reason why, and it probably involves a tight budget or a limited seating arrangement. We know, it sucks. Nobody wants to attend an event alone: it’s incredibly awkward. But that doesn’t mean you get to create another awkward situation by asking why – or demanding one anyway. Deep breaths. Just imagine the bonus points you’ll earn on your karma card.
Do Talk To Strangers
Granted, the last person you want to make small talk with is the bride’s xenophobic great aunt whose hearing aide is on the blink, but a little effort goes a long way. It’s a nice gesture – and both the bride and groom will be grateful forever.
Don’t Argue With Your Ex
We’ve all been there – especially when a copious amount of alcohol is involved. No matter how much of an arse they’re being, however, nobody wants a scene (well maybe the groom's uncle Dave who’s on his tenth pint. He might want one) and you’ll only end up regretting it the morning after. Our advice? If you think you’re likely to lose your cool simply walk away and avoid contact. Keep smiling. Don’t trust yourself not to get sucked back into the vortex? Ask a friend to micro-manage the situ when you’re a little too drunk on prosecco to do it yourself. That's what they're there for!
Go Easy On Your Smartphone
You know when Adele gets annoyed when she can’t see 20,000 faces looking back at her at the O2? Well, just imagine that on a slightly smaller scale. It’s lovely that you want to capture this precious day – but do bear in mind that the couple saying their vows might not want to see a hundred smart phones staring back at them as they whisper ‘I do’. Your fellow guests behind you might also want to see what’s going on, too.
Don’t Ask Women Who Aren’t Drinking If They’re Pregnant
It’s every childfree woman’s nightmare. Maybe she’s on antibiotics, or perhaps she just prefers the elderflower presse. Either way, her womb really is none of your business. And a wedding is the worst time to bring this up. Avoid – PLEASE avoid - at all costs.
Don’t Leave Before The Cake’s Cut
It’s like bailing on a Barry Manilow gig before he’s had a chance to belt out an encore of ‘Copacabana’ – you just don’t do it. There is definitely a B.C (before cake) epoch in operation here and you’re required to cross over it.
Don’t Complain About The Bar
Think about it this way: a paid bar means one less Pinot Grigio…which means one less A&E risking mega-slide on the dance floor at midnight…watched on by that ex you’re avoiding.
Don’t Hog The Photographer
They’re not here for you. A killer new Facebook profile picture is only a bonus.