Going backstage at the Victoria’s Secret show as a mere mortal is like being Lindsay Lohan when she steps into the Mean Girls cafeteria for the first time.
The leggiest mega babes of all time just casually sashay around you in their pink robes- which in some cases barely covers their racy underwear underneath- whilst you are stood there helpless, wondering which angel to approach for an interview. Side note it’s basically like taking a mini break to the tropics, with (moderate) exaggeration its literally 300 degrees backstage with all those hairdryers blasting out. Good job a girl wore black…
Whilst the angels are united by epic levels of hotness there are separate squads who are uniquely bonded: Bella and Gigi are inseparable, the new girls don’t leave each other’s sides and Alessandra Ambrosia, the real life equivalent of the Archangel Gabriel, holds her own separate court.
Whilst said angels ready themselves with teams of at least 4 hair, make-up artists and nail technicians surrounding each the media circus begins. Can you imagine being pestered for an interview whilst you are getting your hair trimmed? Yeah, sorry about that Stella Maxwell. It’s nothing short of being in the big top of the most glamorous circus EVER. The only tamers here though are hair curlers. Sara Sampaio has at least two diamante encrusted curling tongs on her at one time because this is a military operation and the mission? Operation sassify!
Imagine the entire world’s media gate crashing your Saturday night getting ready preparations. It’s just like that. So whilst the girls get their glam on there’s pouts-a-plenty and a constant conscious effort to work their best angles for every single lens. These girls would get a first class degree in working it. It’s a 24/7 job being that hot you know and a girl can’t risk an awkward shot.
Queues for interviews/ insta story videos/ snapchats/ selfies (I would say delete as appropriate but in 2016 getting one interview isn’t good enough, you need ALL the content) form around the likes of Bella and Kendall whilst the lesser-known girls are largely left in peace to get on with their own personal selifes. Accessorising said selfies with peace signs, of course, because there is NOTHING MORE ANGELIC THAN A PEACE SIGN. OK?
After elbowing the likes of E! News out the way my time with the most in demand angel, Bella Hadid was upon me. It was nothing short of being in the presence of a holy relic, many had started a pilgrimage to this Mecca of hotness and only a lucky few would get interview time. Just like the holiest of glowing relics, she didn’t disappoint, standing before me in her golden glory, Bella Hadid is as hilarious as she is hot. What a combo platter.
Being backstage is like being a kid in a candy shop but the candy isn’t haribo, it’s supermodels. You just don’t know where to turn next, do you chase down Jasmine Toookes wearing her 'Fantasy bra' (worth a budget friendly 3 million dollars) or do you pester Kendall Jenner into interview submission. The struggle is alive and oh so real backstage at the Victoria’s Secret show.
Once your 20 minutes is up you leave, going back to a life less pink and with a burning ambition to get an ass just like Kelly Gales. But its lunchtime and McDonalds is just around the corner so lets save that for next week.