Christmas Eve in the local pub
This is traditionally where you’ll run into a bunch of people you went to school with. Sartorially, you need to factor in a few things: your success, your happiness, your fabulousness. Two words: leopard print. Reference: Carven. A sharp feline jacket worn over all black is ideal. If they’re not talking about you over the turkey the next day, you’ve failed.
Boozy lunch with the boss
Remember the old adage “Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.” Do you think the person in the Santa knit will be promoted? Work a loose silky trouser and chic sweater instead.
Christmas jumper - to do or not to do?
A note on themed knitwear: last Christmas we reached peak novelty. Every middle-class baby I know was humiliated in a John Lewis elf ensemble. Obviously, half the joy in owning a child is to clad it in hilarious items. I get that. I’m all over a moustache dummy. But you are a grown woman. Forget the reindeer sweater. It’s over. This is Alanis Morissette-level irony. Basic at best.
Last day drink-up
Drinks with work pals is a good time to slip in a little festive cheer, so take Saint Laurent-inspired glitter Mary Janes and add to any outfit (ideally dark-hued). Just enough to seem accepting of their seasonal cheer, but not so much you risk being plugged in at the bar. Always ask: would this look better on the tree or me?
Know your audience
Sometimes “fashion” doesn’t translate well. Think of your audience. For example, me wearing a Christopher Kane sweatshirt and ripped boyfriend jeans to visit my grandmother = “Couldn’t she have made an effort?” To you, it’s the hottest outfit in town, to them, it’s a sweatshirt and scruffy jeans.
Single at Christmas?
The dress that scored me most snogs in my single years has nothing to do with fashion. It has to do with men being quite simple creatures. It was red, scoop-necked, nipped in at the waist. Sometimes a theme is a great thing. Embrace it.
Drinks and nibbles
Your neighbours have asked you round to their drinks party. As they normally catch you at the front door in your dressing gown, getting too dressed up will only freak them out. A printed (if you like) midi skirt and sweater would be sweet. Add your favourite luxe trainers to make it more edge than Middleton.
The big day
There’s no point wearing anything too nice on Christmas Day as you’ll only throw gravy down it (just me?). Four words: dark-grey sweater dress. Effortless chic, very now, expandable, stain-proof. Joseph has a brilliant one.
Walking in a winter wonderland
Pack a proper coat and boots. People have a penchant for walking around commons and greens on Christmas Day with a worrying fervour. Go with it. But don’t get caught out (hello, mud). Take your own Hunters and parka. If you borrow your mother’s comedy Jack Russell-motif boots and strange floral windbreaker, you will run into your ex and his new model girlfriend.
New Year's Eve
You held out for the best offer for NYE and that’s turned out to be fancy dress. I’ve never met a theme where I couldn’t be a pirate. Breton top, imitation McQueen scarf (smug points for a real one), cheap gold jewellery, kohl, and you’re good to go. Accessorise with rum.
By Victoria Moss / @missVmoss