1) Laura Hen 2016
Set up by a Maid of Honour to help plan an over-priced weekend at a converted barn in Wiltshire. This group has a lifespan of approx six months and will feature messages ranging from ‘Butler in the buff all booked! Woo hoo!’ to the pass-agg ‘can anyone who hasn’t transferred for the accommodation please do ASAP?’
2) **Laura Hen 2016** [splinter group]
An additional top secret WhatsApp group set up by three of the hens in mutual outrage about the suggested budget for Laura Hen - '45 quid for a f*cking archery lesson?!'
For general lolz between your six best pals. This group will always include one ‘silent partner’ who only chips in when they’re prompted and one person who doesn’t do an office job and opens their phone at the end of the day to find 76 new messages about literally nothing at all.
The group holiday WhatsApp. Filled with loads of messages from Holiday Ringleader, a capable solicitor called Fran who single-handedly finds the villa, organises connections, works out activities and suggests a kitty. After the holiday Fran pops up on the group to suggest an ‘Ibiza reunion dinner’ but it never gets off the ground.
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If you live with flatmates this is all ‘got another gas bill’,‘can you series-link the Apprentice’ or ‘sorry don’t want to nag but do you think you could wash up those pans from Saturday as got ppl over tomorrow - thanks.’
For videos of your baby nephew mainlining ice cream which make your heart burst, liberal use of emojis from your Dad who has only just worked out how to use them and a bit of gentle family bantz.
7) The Fling Graveyard Spot
That really hot, intense relationship you had with the guy you eventually found out was a complete tosser. The final message: ‘Not expecting a message back but just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurting you and hope one day we can be friends.’ In weak drunken moments you scroll back through al those ill-advised sexts and contemplate firing it up again.
8) Saturday night
A group set up for one single event that’s somehow still going six months later. It’s a bit of a phone-clogger but you also don’t want to be that guy who 'leaves the group.'
To share the pain of 3am feeds with the only women in exactly the same boat as you. Just hope your group doesn’t include anyone with a magic baby who sleeps through the night from the word go.
This is basically the ‘morning, my train was delayed so running a little late’ WhatsApp group.
The rolling attempt to set up dinner between four friends you never really see anymore. One person is always more keen than everyone else to make this happen. One person never replies.
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