It all happened so fast. One day we were sniggering at his Miami-nightclub-promoter open necked shirts and ‘hair like two black Shredded Wheat’ (copyright Frank Skinner), the next, we found ourselves thinking, 'I shouldn’t, I wouldn’t I… oh god, maybe, I actually would.'
Because somewhere down the line of this season’s X Factor, we started to find Simon Cowell, worryingly attractive. Maybe it’s the smattering of grey stubble – which looks a bit French businessman lounging around sipping Merlot at his Provence villa. Perhaps it’s because he’s realised the best way to get an instant facelift is to get rid of anyone under 35 on the judging panel. Or maybe even ruthless empire builders mellow ever so slightly after fatherhood.
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Have you seen the footage of him interacting with our new child crush - the brilliantly eccentric Eric Cowell (think toddler with a businessman haircut and a don't mess attitude)? I mean, no one comes out of an exchange with the godlike Eric without some of his manic genius rubbing off on them. Or maybe Simon is just smart enough to realise that we’re all a bit frightened and tired and unsure in our post Brexit, post Bowie world and we’ve decided we’ll take kindness over smartarse put downs thank you very much.
And so he’s responded with a slight softening of his take no prisoner’s style – swapping the Bond villain crackle-of-thunder and evil emperor persona for a firm but fair kindly dad. Suddenly he’s at least 50% nicer. And as a result, at least 22% hotter. Bizarre looking pensioners with questionable performance styles, get asked ‘you’re 63? No you’re not, you look GREAT’. Nervous teens struggling with Adele key changes get encouraging winks mid-performance, not eye rolls. And total crazy pants people dressed up as toilet roll dolls (oh yes, this was an actual thing) get a self-help book worthy ‘keep being who you are’.
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So what have we learnt from this? Grey can be good. Kindness is sexy. Hanging around with Eric Cowell is never a bad thing for any human being. And try and socialise with people your own age - because it really will save you a fortune in surgery.
Are we crazy, or is Simon Cowell honestly really hot these days? Let us know below...