I grew up watching Patsy Stone shutting s**t down.
The beehive. The cutting one-liners. The cigarette hanging from her mouth. Joanna Lumley was the bomb, and now that Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie is upon us, I'm SO excited for all the potential Patsy Stone gold that's about to drop because of it.
See — aside from the flagrant alcoholism — Patsy was probably greatest when she was experiencing 'the rage', and now that dating sites such as Tinder, Happn, et al have basically come along and allowed men to act like total arseholes, I can't help but think how Pats' would handle this millennial dating shift.
Imagine someone ghosting Patsy. Yeah, she would find that person, and she would DESTROY them. It makes me think that as a serial dater, maybe I should be less Carrie Bradshaw, and more Patsy Stone.
Here's the 7 times Patsy could have been our absolute Tinder hero. Be prepared for the shade...
1. The moment over dinner you realize that Brad, 32, is actually a bit of a tool.
But his profile looked so promising...
2. When a *perfect* guy you’ve matched with has unceremoniously unmatched you after an hour...
...and one ‘hi’ message. Why?
3. Trying to make up for drunken first date behaviour (oops), on the second date.
Hey, you met after office karaoke. What did he expect?
4. Realising that the guy you’ve been dating for three months is still using Tinder.
Last active 2 hours ago? Wtf.
5. Feeling self-righteous that you're happy to dump someone first.
Via WhatsApp. Obvs.
5. Realising that the bartender on your date is hotter than your actual Tinder date.
Zero loyalty. It’s every woman for herself out there.
7. And finally, spotting the Tinder guy that totally ghosted you last summer...
...pashing with some other chick. Oh ho, you better run mister because this girl wants answers.