Today Joan Rivers — the acid-tongued comedian and, most recently, the host of the hit US TV show Fashion Police, would be 82 years old. She made us laugh for decades, and has been sorely missed by her family, fans and peers alike since she passed away last year. Her speciality? Her hilarious put-downs which she bestowed upon not just the Hollywood elite, but herself also. A testament to the fact that, not only could she dish it out, but could take her own criticism on the chin too.
To celebrate her long and successful life and career, we've compiled our list of her funniest and, more often than not, cattiest quotes that instantly remind us of the savvy woman she was. What better way to remember one of the greatest female comedians of all time?
Happy Birthday, Joan!
'I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.'
'I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for Best Special Effects.'
'I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.'
'You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.'
'You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.'
On Keeping Active:
'I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.'
'The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.'
'It’s like herpes: You either have it or you don’t.'
'I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'
'The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.'
'The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she is shopping.'
On Angelina Jolie's Oscars Leg-Bomb:
'Everyone took her to task with that photograph with the leg out, but to me it looked as if she had a terrible yeast infection and she was trying to air it out. It was hilarious!'
On Kate Winslet's Questionable Hat:
'The nice thing about this hat is that it covers up the head wound that made her think it was a good idea to wear it in the first place.'
Thank you for the laughs, Joan. She was a legend to the end.