Gwyneth Paltrow in Mortdecai

Who would EVER steam clean their vagina?!

1. ‘If Apple sees Mexican Coke [Coca Cola], it’s all over’

2. ‘I would rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can’

3. ‘We have this idea that you can't be a mother and a businesswoman and like to have sex. Like, 'Gwyneth has sex? Really?''

4. ‘When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’'

5. ‘Just to have my kids be in the sun every day—picking avocados. Just what kids want to do, pick avocados’

6. ‘Beyoncé’s like, ‘Okay. The singing is great. But you’re not having any fun.’ She’s like, ‘Remember when we were at Jay’s concert and Panjabi MC comes on and you do your crazy Indian dance? Do that. Be you!’'

7. ‘When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat’

8. ‘[My kids] love a brown rice stir-fry, but they also love their ‘Coke of the week’'

9. ‘You know, I use organic products, but I get [laser treatments]. It’s what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu’

10. ‘I’ll never forget it. I was starting to hike up the red rocks, and honestly, it was as if I heard the rock say, ‘You have the answers. You are your teacher.’'

11. ‘We basically can’t live without Vegenaise—it’s a little out of control’

12. ‘I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun… except hot dogs’

13. ‘I don’t want to be rich and I don’t want to be famous’

14. ‘Sometimes Harvey Weinstein will let me use the Miramax jet if I’m opening a supermarket for him’.

15. ‘I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup’

16. ‘One cold wintry day in London, I was dreaming about salad nicoise—one of my favorites’

17. ‘[Moses] is obsessed with hip-hop and wanted a gold chain like his uncle Jay-Z’.

18. [This homemade lube] will turn the driest of deserts into your own personal slip 'n slide'.

19. ‘I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one’

20. ‘One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realised I hadn’t thought of dessert’

21. ‘[Chris Martin] can’t have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook’

22. ‘We have always conducted our relationship privately and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner’

23. ‘I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. Emoto's coffee-table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it’

And one of her most real...

'I remember when I was maybe 27 years old and kind of at the height of my movie stardom—it was around the time of the Oscar and this and that. I think I was very much believing my own hype, which how could you not? I was sitting with my dad, feeling great about my life and everything that was happening, and he was like, "You know, you're getting a little weird…You're kind of an asshole." And I was like, "What the hell?" I was totally devastated. But it turned out to be basically the best thing that ever happened to me.' - Harpers Bazaar, 2016

Continued below...

Seriously, Gwyneth?! These are almost as ridiculous as her £161 smoothie