1) You’ll go for one of those awkward long table lunches somewhere (probably Zizzi’s) where you're the last to realise there's no table plan and you wind up in the single remaining spot on the end, opposite your socially-challenged line manager Mark. With the people next to you deep in conversation, the lunch will suddenly take on a nightmarish first date feel. Once all possible avenues of small talk have been totally exhausted, you'll both lapse into silence and find something urgent to look at on your phones. 

2) After a few glasses of wine, three of you will discover you’ve been nursing the exact same grudge about Clarie not pulling her weight on the Allied Mutual pitch. “Oh my god, I’m SO glad you think that too, I thought it was just me!” 

3) One group of colleagues will rush-order seven bottles of house white so the bar tab runs out at 9pm. 

4) …until someone senior merrily slaps her company Amex down on the bar. 

5) Two colleagues who fell out in November will have a tearful make-up talk outside over a packet of Camels (“I think I’ve always just been so intimidated by you”), which will end with them locked in a silent, tearful hug while everyone else is shout-singing to The Pogues. 

6) Shy Ravinda will reveal she was an exotic dancer to pay her way through University.

7) You will tell your colleague about the confusing crush you have on the bald sixty-something company VP, and then instantly regret ever saying anything. 

8) You’ll all drunkenly agree to do an office Come Dine With Me at each other’s houses and send lolz meeting invites to plan it in January. In January these will be quietly deleted. 

9) The normally sensible, efficient office worker bee will get bladdered on Pinot Grigio, lose her handbag, start crying and get sent home in a cab at 11. 

10) Your male boss will get tipsy and go all Christmas Drinks Party Dad on you and ask you if there’s a ‘special someone’ in your life. 

11) You’ll carpool an Uber home with two colleagues who live in your area and take quiet pleasure in snooping the outside of their homes. 

Continued below...

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