Tina joking on Hollywood double standards
"For his role in Dallas Buyers Club [Matthew McConaughey] lost 45lb. Or what actresses call, being in a movie."
Tina on big hair
"[On American Hustle] Interesting fact, the original title of that movie was 'Explosion At The Wig Factory."
Amy on those long Scorsese movies
"We're going to get this show done in three hours, or as Martin Scorsese calls it, act 1."
Tina on her pre-Globes diet
"The Hunger Games was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress."
Amy on her planned post-Globes diet...
"Ang Lee's been nominated for Life of Pi, which what I'm going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off."
Amy on Meryl
"Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu, and I hear she's amazing in it."
Amy (just being naughty)
"Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College."
Amy on the mega A-list audience
[to Matt Damon] "On any other night in any other room you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don't take this the wrong way, you're basically a garbage person."
Tina on roles for older women in Hollywood
"Meryl Streep, so brilliant in August: Osage County - proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60."
Tina on Gravity
"It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age."
Tina on Woody Allen
"Woody Allen is the recipient of this year's Cecil B DeMille Award, just a few years after Martin Scorsese won. I assume the award is for tiniest man with the biggest glasses."
For more giggles see a video of their full 2014 opening duologue below. Otherwise, roll on Sunday.