Novelty Christmas jumpers? No thanks.
Noel Edmunds, Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby: just three of the people who, come December 1st, disregard the majority of their wardrobes in favour of garish jumpers, sequins and a spattering of Fair Isle. But tacky festive dressing isn’t for everyone. Here are the top items you’ll be steering clear of if you prefer to celebrate the holidays in a more subtle style… #bahhumbug
1. Novelty Christmas jumpers
2. Star Wars Christmas jumpers. They’d never heard of Jesus on Tatooine.
3. 3D novelty jumpers #impractical
4. Anything with sleigh bells on
5. Novelty Christmas earrings
6. Novelty Christmas earrings that require batteries because they flash and play a tune (sorry mum)
7. ‘Sexy' Christmas logos, e.g. ‘Naughty or Nice’ and ‘Jingle My Bells’
8. Logos that imply that Santa is sexy, rather than the elderly rotund fellow he actually is (what do you mean, he’s not real?)
9. Sexy Santa outfits for women. Ugh.
10. See also red silk fur trimmed lingerie
11. People who wear tinsel instead of a scarf
12. Fair Isle prints on tight T-shirts for muscle men
13. Festive illustrated men’s ties
14. Bow ties in general
15. Elf suits for grown men. Only Will Ferrell can pull that one off.
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16. Rudolph hair bands. Particularly when worn ironically to the office.
17. Onesies in public
18. Earmuffs indoors
19. Party clutches that leave a trail of glitter in their path
20. Glitter hairspray
21. Novelty boxer shorts
22. Too much tartan
23. Too much leopard print (when did that become festive anyway?)
24. Red and white stripy tights
25. People who wear red and green
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26. Beanies that look like Christmas puddings
27. Hats that looked like cooked turkeys
28. Jumpers that light up
29. ‘Party season’ sparkly boleros
And a few things even the biggest Scrooge can resist…
Novelty Christmas socks; they’re mostly hidden
Dogs and cats in festive outfits. All day long.
Festive nail art
Onesies indoors. Nowt wrong with that.