‘I don’t know how you do it! I couldn’t be bothered’ – says everyone about fake tan, apart from the unfortunate few of us who get HOOKED and can’t imagine life without it ever again.
As Chrissy Teigen shares a picture of her white bed post-spray tan, we think about the worst things about self tanning life...
- You smell like ‘biscuits’ (apparently — though we’ve never known a biscuit that smelled like tanning chemicals) 40% of the time.
- The very real fear when your faux glow starts coming off (odds are it will start at the elbows) when you’re on holiday, leaving your pale un-sunned skin gleaming through.
- The weekly toss-up between a brown bed and an uncomfortable baby grow.
- The one time you don’t fake tan, everyone will tell you they love your natural skin colour and how you shouldn’t fake tan. (Shut. Up.)
- Trying to avoid getting even the slightest bit hot after you fake tan… A summer nightmare that sees you lying spread out, getting so stressed out.
- Trialing a new one and waking up looking SO ORANGE.
- You’d remortgage your house (if you had one) to get fake tan. Running out is pretty much the scariest prospect ever.
- The reaction the first time you come to bed in a babygrow (to avoid it getting on the sheets).
- The winter fake tan trick, skipping out any part of your body that isn’t going to be seen by the general public.
- Bright orange hands — the nightmare.
- When you use your last bit of energy slathering yourself in dark brown mousse.
- Your towels will go streaky, 100%.
- You have passionate views on which is the best… St Tropez vs. Fake Bake.
- That morning check of last night's application... Hands - good, elbows - good, knees - AHHHH, they're SO STREAKY!
- The idea of a spray tan can be quite stressful… But, you have to actually get home?
- You consider if black bedding is too weird? Or is navy chic?
- The tanning-your-entire-back struggle... You either get help or your shoulders get unnaturally flexible.
- Everyone will ask you what your natural skin colour is like — as if you have a chart handy to point it out.
- Those blobs on the bottom of your feet when you step on fake tan when applying.
- Once it's on, it's not coming off until it wants to. Those streaks are nat coming off — if anything you'll make the sections in between lighter which will enhance them.
- The weekly bath which takes two hours, one bottle of bath oil and an exfoliating glove, which leaves you with pretty much a whole new skin.
- Get used to the bath having a permanent tan tidemark.
- When you get waxed and your tan comes off, leaving a rather fetching white bikini line.
- People get used to you totally changing colour over night, coming in to work at least six shades darker.
- Your nails go a delightful shade of tangerine.
- Having to avoid getting hot, moving, exfoliating, hot baths or showers, wearing sandals, swimming and most other activities for fear of it rubbing off prematurely.
- You kind of hate doing it but that feeling of waking up and checking out your new bronzed bod beats anything.
Faux tan or no tan? Here's an InStyler's verdict...