We Break Down Exactly What’s Inside The £209k Oscars Goodie Bag

We Break Down Exactly What’s Inside The £209k Oscars Goodie Bag

What a haul.

Last year's Oscar goodie bag included a 15-day walking tour of Japan, a Vampire breast lift, and a vibrator worth £200. And since the 2017 bag of swag is worth a grand total of $260k (£209k), of course, we're all dying to know what the Oscar nominees will be gifted this year. 

Marketing company Distinctive Assets has been crafting the renowned gift bag for the past 15 years, and each year they always out-do themselves, making it almost as lusted-after during awards season as the golden Oscar itself. 

This year’s cargo boasts the usual mix of jaw-droppingly expensive and 'only in LA' nonsense (non-browning apples, anyone?), that should keep all the nominees, from Meryl Streep to Ryan Gosling, happy. 

RELATED: The best Oscars dresses of all time 

From armpit sweat pads and a pelvic floor exercise tracker to a six-day Hawaiian holiday, we break down what exactly the Oscars attendees will be tucking into this year.

  • Oomi Smart Home 
  • Haze Dual V3 Vaporiser
  • Luminosity Skin Serum from Healing Saint
  • Naturally non-browning and non-GMO Project verified Opal Apples 
  • A luxury 6-day Hawaiian holiday at Koloa Landing Resort at Poipu
  • Personal training sessions with celebrity trainer Alexis Seletzky
  • BANGARANG Positive Cube - a box full of cards with positive actions and inspirational quotes (writer's note: because being an Oscar nominee isn’t quite enough to bolster your confidence?)
  • Belldini women's apparel
  • Casper advanced dual-layer pillows
  • ChapStick Total Hydration Moisture + Tint
  • Chocolatines' Drunken Fig Cake Bites
  • Chubby Chipmunk Hand-Dipped Chocolates 
  • Crayola My Way customised box of crayons
  • Curlee Girlee empowering children's book
  • Dandi Patch underarm sweat patches - absorbent pads that trap moisture and odour, perfect for those nervous nominee sweats
  • Elvie limited edition pelvic floor exercise tracker and app
  • Happiest Tee luxury t-shirts
  • Hydroxycut Platinum 
  • Jules K unique luxury handbags
  • Lizora pu-erh tea nourishing skincare
  • Personal in-house sommelier services from The Loving Somm - yes and yes
  • Medice Foot Care Kits
  • MOUS fitness bottle 
  • MuscleTech Nitro-Tech Crunch Protein Bars 
  • Namira Monaco Pole Star Constellation Pendant & Brooch Fine Jewellery
  • Freshly harvested pecans from the National Pecan Shellers Association - writer's noteis a goody bag even a goody bag if it doesn’t have pecans?
  • A 10-year supply of Oxygenetix Breathable Foundation and Moisturiser - writer's note: this had better be some insanely good skincare if they’re expecting a decade’s use
  • Park and Buzz baguette stud earrings
  • Reian Williams Fine Art
  • Rest-Rite Sleep Positioner 
  • Rouge Maple pure organic maple syrup
  • Slimware portion-control plates - writer's note: plates that map out exactly how much of each food group should be on your plate (hint: it’s not very much)
  • SweetCheeks cellulite massage mats 
  • Watch Ya' Mouth party game
  • Woosh Beauty innovative makeup application gift sets
  • YOGAJEWELZ OM Diamond Bracelets 
  • Golden Door Spa Retreat
  • Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria stay in Sorrento
  • Grand Hotel Tremezzo stay on Lake Como
  • A fully-private 3-day mansion stay at the Lost Coast Ranch in Northern California 
  • Personalized Hands-Only CPR Training and a CPR Anytime Kit from the American Heart Association 

Get the lowdown on the full Oscars 2017 nominations list. 

The 2017 Oscars take place on Sunday 26th of February, and can be watched from midnight onwards on the Sky Cinema Oscars channel and NowTV.

Words by Ava Kitcher. 

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